Kingdom Journal

I am in a strange state of mind tonight.

I know, I should be working on an article. I should be reading a bible verse. I should be sleeping.

I should be doing anything else… but I can’t stop thinking.

Tonight my mind is gripped with the thoughts of death.

What a touchy subject.

Tonight I am joyful, but my heart is beating with sorrow.

Someone I cared deeply about passed away over the weekend. I didn’t see it coming. I genuinely expected him to make it through.

I found out today.

A friend of mine has a birthday today. He has kept it a secret for a long while since he wanted no one to celebrate it. I didn’t see it coming. I genuinely thought it was some time in the Winter. 

I found out this weekend.

I don’t know why these two events had to meet each other today, but they did.

Death over the weekend and news of it on Tuesday. 
Birthday on Tuesday and news of it over the weekend.

Nothing to compare… but I find I can’t stop thinking of either.

The friend who made it to another year was not happy that people knew his birthday is today. He refuses to admit to it and didn’t want to celebrate at all. Word got out and he was not happy. He made sure to let one of my friends know how upset he was and abruptly left.

As I learned the news, my friend cried and turned to me.

The loved one who lost his life was thankful that he had made it to another day on the last one he breathed. He refused to give up hope and didn’t want to fear over impending death. As his last moments came, he was not angry. He made sure to let his family know how much he loved them and abruptly left.

As I learned the news, my friend turned to me and cried.

Life is a gift. We should be thankful for each and every opportunity we have to live our lives. I know he was… he had one of the most gentle spirits I had ever known and even in less-than-pleasant moments, he always gave thanks to the Lord even when the people closest to him would not. 

He was a poet, he wrote some of the most beautiful pieces and lyrics I had ever heard. Even as a large, tough-looking man, he was never afraid to show Love or honor to God. He was a great example to me. For that, I am forever grateful. 

I can’t help but think about how fragile life is, but as I speak with those closest to him, I am reminded about how much more fragile the concept of death is.

I know his body has died, but he has entered eternal life… for this, I don’t cry tears of sorrow, but of great joy.

Rest in peace, Ross. You were a great man and you will be missed.