Kingdom Journal

Hello everyone!

This is my first real post of the new year. I hope you all are having a great one and I wanted to say a huge thank you for the encouraging messages and emails about the baptism and all of that. I really do appreciate it, one was so sweet it actually made me cry (I’m looking at you, Amanda M) and there were other really great things said so thank you! As always if you ever want to message/email me (since Tumblr’s commenting options make no sense to me and don’t work for non-users), click the question mark icon in the top right corner and say hello! :) -S

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As it turns out, I have a habit of taking pictures of my feet and where I am standing. I don’t remember when I started doing this but it was funny to me to go through my phone and look through all of the galleries. Evidently, I’ve been gathering material for this post since 2010 at least but I did not realize it at the time.

I take a lot of random photographs. They all serve as a personal album for me, full of experiences and things I will one day wish to look back upon. This is nothing out of the ordinary and I know many people that do the very same thing. Though, mine is kind of messy.

I don’t share my photographs anywhere. Not because I’m one of those creeps that has a “personal collection” or anything but because I feel that to a foreign viewer, my collection probably seems like a completely random mess of photographs about nothing and anything.

Precisely.

As it turns out, it is precisely that. Though it is only because my life is a “mess” of “random” moments full of nothing and anything at the same time. 

I never really pose for my photos or have the people I’m with pose for me. This is mainly because photography is nothing I’m pursuing as anything but a hobby and also because I prefer to capture the world around me as it happens. A lot of the photographs I take are ones the subject does not know about until after it happens (I only keep it with their permission, of course). And I’ve never thought that was weird because it helps me to remember exactly what was happening, how I felt and what the world looked like to me in that moment.

Anyway, after that long-winded rant (which, if you’ve read this far ahead, let me know and I’ll buy you a Coke as a reward of patience haha), onto the purpose of this post (…seriously, I’ll buy you a Coke).

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As I was going through my photos from the previous year, I was reminiscing on the beautiful moments that make life what it is. I was remembering the sights, sounds, emotions, feelings and even smells I experienced in those moments and it brought me to such a reflective state.

Nothing was consistent from one month to the next. The subjects changed as often as the filters and effects applied to the pictures. Though the thing I found most interesting is the habit mentioned above. I don’t know what makes me do it but it seems that each month was separated by the “feet photos” I’d taken.

Now, I’m not sure if my brain unconsciously works more symbolically than I think it does but I found that kind of beautiful.

It’s as though the photos were set so that each month was defined by where I stood in that moment. As though every month of the year was defined by where my feet had carried me up to the point.  

So for your viewing/reading pleasure, I give you a look back at where I went in 2011 (both physically and metaphorically). Here is part one.

January________________________

Ladies restroom at Foursquare. During a bible study.

January of last year was an uncertain one for me. I didn’t know what to expect in the coming year and I didn’t know what I wanted out of life. I was confused, intrigued, scared and excited all at the same time. I was working in what has been appropriately nicknamed “Retail Hell” and my aspirations focused around figuring out who I am and what comes next.

February________________________

Ladies restroom at Foursquare. During a bible study

The Lodge in the Hualapai mountains. During a sledding trip.

I was still pretty unsure of what to do with myself, I was so weary of everything. The month was cold and so was I. I remember writing a lot of music during this month. Much of it focused on the cold air and a desire for warmth. I enjoyed some new, interesting relationships and spent a great deal of my time involved with that.

March________________________

Unlock the Front Door. Dressed for work.

The Lot. The day I put in my two weeks notice for Retail.

Prayer Room. Before a service, preparing to sing.

March was full of changes! I was given the amazing opportunity to pursue a job with a local newspaper. The odds were against me, but it was the first window of opportunity I had seen in that area. It was tangible, it had promise if I were willing to work hard and abandon all inhibitions of the past.

This was huge step of faith and with only two weeks to be sure about securing the internship, I just had to trust that it was an opportunity God had blessed me with. Suddenly things like insecurity and being shy didn’t seem like such big things anymore. I genuinely stopped caring what anyone thought of me, I didn’t care if I was stepping out of the only system I’d ever known. I just knew I had to do it then and never look back.

____________________to be continued…